Show me the movies !

So Ive been tasked with listing the my top 25 movies or the top 25 movies ive enjoyed the most. Now this is a ridiculously impossible list to compile and by all rights I should be allowed to refuse to comply ! and thereafter form a small resistance movement and take over durban ! However since my man MJ asked me to I shall oblige.

Firstly i would like to make a confession.......

Hi my name is Mohamed and I Am a movie addict !

There is said it ! Are you happy now ?

Ok this is going to be a tough list to compile but here goes nothing.....Queue the Charlie Tuna voice over and SHOW ME THE MOVIES !

25. Transformers
Freakin Robots !

24.
Silence of the Lambs
Hello Clerise !

23.
independence Day
Will smith and aliens !

22.
Dark Knight
Why so serious !

21.
Chocolat
Chocolate does change lives

20.
6th Sense
I see dead people

19.
Gladiator
Shadows and dust!

18.
Forest Gump
Life is like a box of chocolates

17.
Wedding Crashers
Are they built for speed or comfort?

16.
Goodfellas
Do i look funny to you ?

15.
Event Horizon
Sam neill's best movie and the most underated horror film in my opinion

14.
The Green Mile
My name is John Cofee, like the drink spelt differently

13.
Grease
Grease lightning !

12.
Nightmare on Elm street
One, two freddy's gonna get you!

11.
Terminator
ILL BE BAAAAK !

10.
Scarface
SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND !

9.
Jurassic Park
Freakin Dinosaurs !

8.
Saving Private Ryan
Sticky Bomb!

7.
Memento
Who am I ?

6.
Crash
Lives do come crashing down

5.
Godfather 1
Ill make him an offer he cant refuse

4.
Star Wars (episode 4 5 and 6)
Princess Leia "I love you"
Han solo " I know"

3.
Pulp Fiction
Check out the big brains on brad

2.
Fight Club
His name was Robert Paulsen

1. Shawshank Redemption
Need I say more.

Just looking at this list ive left out so many great movies! A top 100 would be just as difficult. What do you think ive left out ?

Written in a lecture on my phone
The Lone Writer.

You've got to be kidding.......

Does this sound familiar to you............

Prof ........ & Dr ...............
Acclaimed Traditional healers and Herbalists who Specialize in.....

1. Read & tell ALL your Problems before you mention them
2. Bring Back Lost Lover in 3 days
3. Ensure promotion at work
4. Cure any sexual problem
5. GUARANTEE YOU TO WIN THAT TROUBLING COURT CASES, NO MATTER WHAT STAGE
6. Ensure success as you get rich quickly
7. Recover stolen property and trace the whereabouts of people who offend you
8. Assure Protection in life
9. Cure any medical ailment
10. Ensure you marry the love of your life and that you will be happy forever
11. Ensure fertility in barren women
12. Bring you luck whilst gambling
13. Bring to see your enemies and make demands on them using a mirror.

All the above Guaranteed in 5 days

Consultation R50

All whites, blacks indians, coloureds etc WELCOME.

Can you believe this utter crap !!!

Now I've shortened the pamphlet and only included some of the skills that these "herbalists" claim to have. I received this pamphlet at a robot on William Nicol Drive, and I haven't laughed this much in a long time. Now Ive received these types of pamphlets before better never in this area (which is considered upmarket) and to my amazement these herbalists have opened a "practice" in Sandton. Yes in the heart of financial opulace in Johannesburg, surrounded by towers of glass and steel you can find these men who can solve any and all of your problems........so why are we in a financial crisis and why do people around the world suffer every day? ...hmmm I wonder

I just cant believe it and I think whats more suprising is that people actually support such con-men, how else would they pop up everywhere and now even in Sandton. Honestly who believes these guys? who actually goes to these men for help? Are the masses that Gullible to be lured by these con-men who prey upon the down trodden and steal from the poor? It would seem so. But then I thought to myself that ok maybe these people are so desperate for any assistance that they would go to these parasites. So we cant blame ignorance...can we?

These men who claim to have divine powers should be charged with fraud and arrested. I know that alot of South Africans believe in traditional Healing and it is regulated by the government but these men are just fraudsters.

I'll ask them to make my blog the most read blog on the planet, I suppose since they can do the above in 5 days my request shouldnt be a problem.

Maktub
The Lone Writer

The Practice.......

As the dust settles on yet another whirlwind month into my articles I am faced with another month that promises to be just as crazy, frantic,surprising and educational as the last four, I voluntarily turn the other cheek. With illusions of "Legal Grandeur" shattered and the images and expectations created by televisions shows like the Practice and Boston Legal cast into myth I finally begin to see a clearer picture of what my future may look like. It's a future of hard work, determination and the ability to get up when you get knocked down over and over again, never surrender ! The world of high powered suits, court room struggles and the blind justice to an extent is not as glamorous as it appears to the laymen who.....and this is a gross generalization.... believe that lawyers are only fit to swim in the river styx and prey upon the innocent like a serpent in the grass.

Ive finally... and four months may seem a long time...gotten use to the stresses and the reality that there is never enough time in the day. Days seem to merge into each other. the one indistinguishable from the other, before you know it deadlines creep up on you and so do clients calling you every 24 and a half minutes asking for an update. Things you set out to do on x day never get done because p,q,r ,s and even the square root of s crop up and have to be dealt with. However im trying to believe in the adage that states that "if you never make time how will you ever have time?" (or did i hear that in a movie?)

Everything a budding lawyer has to deal with is "URGENT", "IMPORTANT", "IMPOSSIBLE" and somehow whilst being pulled in 15 different directions you have to find some way to get it done. There is no such thing as "sorry sir but I couldn't do this", you either a South AfriCANT or a South AfriCAN ! and in today's world the latter of the two keeps their job.

Am I enjoying the law and its practice? well i havent quite decided yet......I could honestly do with some more Eli Stone days where the entire office breaks out into song to the tune of George Micheal - Faith....or I walk into a court and exclaim that I am DANNY CRANE and thereby automatically win a case. ! But unfortuantely life does not go according to a script which you and I can understand now but a script that will only be understood after we become the men and women we are meant to be.....Lets alll hope that we do.

Until we meet again
The Lone Writer

KXA !

“We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.”
Native American Proverb

....................

SIGNAL LOST.................................PLEASE STAND BY

Literary Futility: Jonas the Bee.....

Jonas pulled off the highway and followed a snow covered road to his left. The road obscured by the overhanging tree branches and a casual passer by would be oblivious to its existence. The snow on the road was undisturbed and had been so for quite a while. His ‘76 pickup truck made its way steadily down the road embedding its tires in the snow forming black muddy tire tracks. Jonas’s large frame pressed itself into the old leather seats of his pick up truck, the smell of fresh pine lingered within due to the $2 air fresher he had purchased when he stopped for gas two hours ago. The rust coloured pick up truck, riddled with dents and scratches looked travel worn and on its last legs but it chugged along. All was still as he made his way down the winding path except for the rumble of the trucks engine and the occasional movement of the trees. The truck finally made its ways into a clearing and passed over a rickety old bridge which creaked and seemed to barely support the weight of the truck. Jonas pulled up to an abandoned barn at the western edge of the clearing. He opened the door and struggled to get out as the door seemed too small for him. His boot hit the ground and he quickly made his way into the barn carrying his tool bag in his left hand. Jonas closed the door behind him and felt at home, he placed his tool bag on the ground and took a deep breath….he had returned to where it started.

He closed his eyes remembering all the fun he had in this barn. He smiled to himself and seemed to be chuffed at what he had achieved over the years. Jonas heard a solitary step behind him and then nothing. Jonas could feel every inch of the blade that had been thrust into his flesh. The pain was incomprehensible at first as his mind could not translate what his body was feeling into a viable sensation. It felt like the prick of a pin at first and then everything went numb. He couldn’t hear anything around him, not the rasping trees in the cold winter’s breeze, not the sound of the stream which flowed adjacent to the barn, nor the words of his faceless messenger of death. As the blade slithered deeper into the wound the numbness vanished and his body was rank with agony. The blade was thrust into him with purpose and conviction, slow and methodically so that Jonas felt every inch of its cold dead steel. Jonas tried to talk, he tried to plead but he could not speak. Jonas could now taste the bitter taste of iron following into his mouth as if the blade was infecting every part of his body. His Harbinger of death stood before him smiling, he could see the glint of its teeth reflecting of the night’s full moon. The figure released its grip on the blade and stepped back to watch its prey. Jonas stood rooted to the ground unable to move as if the blade had disconnected his brain’s ability to control his body, he felt trapped within his own skull. The figure stood motionless before Jonas observing him with a child like curiosity as if it wanted to see Death itself take his soul. Death however had not arrived and for Jonas time stood still and he felt scared for the first time in his life. Jonas looked at the figure and a feminine silhouette stared back at him. He staggered towards her with his right arm outstretched attempting to claw at her.

He fell to his knees, cushioned by the layer of snow which covered the barren soil of this abandoned barn. Jonas looked to the heavens and could only see the mouldy termite infested roof of the barn staring back at him. The cold winter’s breeze turned into a gusty wind and made its way into the barn creeping into every corner with its icy touch. Death had arrived. The wind swirled around him and hit him from every direction, cutting his flesh. The wind stopped and the air became still and stagnant. Death retreated to the shadows, observing the scene in front of him.. Jonas’s head dropped like a dead weight accepting his fate and his dying gaze fell upon the blade. His sight was blurry, he tried to focus and closed his eyes. Through his eyelids he could only see red as if one closed their eyes whilst looking directly at the sun. He opened his eyes and saw the blade it was his own. Its unmistakable redwood and gold hilt was polished until the gold seemed to emanate from the wood itself. The Gold was arranged into bans which ringed the redwood; this made it look like a Bee with the blade being the stinger. The blade itself was slightly curved and seemed to be larger than would be expected. Its steel was smooth but barbed towards the tip so it pierced through the flesh with ease and became almost woven into the flesh. Jonas had seen this Bee’s stinger on many occasions before but he had never seen it from this view. He had seen this stinger in the dark alley behind the McCrery House, in the New York apartment Janis owned and even in this very barn. On these occasions however he wielded the stinger and had always pulled the stinger out of his victim causing them to fade into the afterlife. Unlike a Bee Jonas did not die after he stung his victim’s, he merely retrieved the cursed blade and left the scene remorseless and content, moving on to his next victim.

Jonas wrapped his hands around the stinger and tugged at it slightly, the pain reverberate from his wound moving through his entire body. He could not remove the stinger no matter how hard he tried as its barbs had caught hold of his flesh. He let go of the stinger and the pain stopped. The feminine figure was still there in the barn with him walking around him, almost taunting him to try to get up, but Jonas couldn’t. Blood trickled out of his wound and formed a deep red pool in front of him which stained the snow. Whether he left the blade in or took it out he knew he would die, his life was now linked to the very blade. Jonas could now only think of the faces of the people who he had killed. He wondered who the woman before him was, someone he had failed to kill or someone who’s loved one he did kill. She couldn’t have been someone he spared because he had never spared a victim in his 23 year cycle. He seemed to collect the souls of these people merely to pollinate his own, he lived off death.

Jonas a deeply religious man believed that God had placed him on earth to balance the scales of good and evil. He felt protected by God and that only God could stop his crusade against the righteous. He expected a Grand death but here he was cold and alone in the barn where he killed his first victim. It has come full circle and now his blood had seeped into the soil bonding him to this spoilt patch of earth. All those years ago he had sealed his fate and chosen his grave. The feminine figure stepped towards him and grasped his hair forcing him to look at her, the silence broke and he heard the women’s voice. It was calm and seemed almost rational; this wasn’t a chance occasion she seemed to have prepared well for this moment. “I will release you”. The women placed her hands around the hilt of the stinger and began to pull at it, but it would not budge. Jonas felt every movement of the stinger as it snagged its flesh. She made one final attempt and Jonas heard a snap. The hilt had broken and the blade remained in him. He was stung by his own blade and now with the stinger embedded in his flesh he would die. The cursed blade seemed to poison him as a Bee’s stinger would. Jonas fell face down, bleeding to death. The women cast the hilt down besides him and began walking towards the door of the barn. Jonas could hear the barn doors close and his trucks engine roar into life. Jonas lay on the cold ground slowly dying. He heard the truck drive away, he was alone.

Death had now come for him. Jonas could feel Death’s thorny fingers upon his back searching for his soul. Ripping, wrenching, twisting, shearing, his end would not be quick. This was the end of Jonas the Bee.

The Bounce

Why is it necessary for some men to walk with a Bounce ? Why do they feel it necessary to alter natural human gait and walk in a manner which resembles the Stay puff marshmallow man ? This Bounce is a purely male thing as I've never witnessed a women bounce. Is it some kind of macho thing? or are their brains not in sync so the one half of their body struggles to keep up with the other? I cant explain it.

I was walking to Mosque the other day and I just observed a couple of youngsters as they walked and they all were bouncing as if the pavement was made of a spongy substance. I mean if its a macho thing to try to impress girls then why would you do it on the way to Mosque? Are the younger generation evolving? has it got something to do with the gradual disappearance of the baby toe in humans? what is it?

And does it in fact impress you girls out there?

Now with this group of youngsters (I can now use the term youngers or whipper snappers because im on the brink of a quarter century) i noticed a couple of different bounces.

The Macho Man
This bounce is played out usually by small males who pretend they have massive arms or "Guns". They walk with their "guns" on their sides and they swivel their hips which gives the appearance that their guns are amazingly buff and awesome. Also they choose to wear muscle tops which showcase their Guns or lack thereof and which would look better on a Skeleton.

The lopsided Slider
This is the domain of the thin gangly variety of male. They move so as to appear to side and not walk . The one shoulder drops more than the other and with the next step it springs back up before shooting back down. This is probably because they only hava half a brain so they can balance and remaining mass of ganglions. Ive seen Eminem walk in this manner before.

The Bobbing man.
This seems to affect a general poulace but you will notice this type of bounce when the male seems to constantly bounce in small repetitive bounces. Like he has ants in his pants and cant help bet contantly move up and down like a malfunctioning piston.

The Half man
This seems to be more of a degenerative mutuation. You may have seen this in the latest spiderman 3 movie when toby maguire (A.k.a Spidermoffie) is influenced by the symbiote venom and he does that ridiculous walk down the road (Cringe, Die, Turn Away and Vomit). Just thinking about it is painful.


Now im sure their is a reason for this weird type of walk which is obviously against nature but I cant quite put my finger on it. Ladies I ask again do you find it attractive?

Kuwabara Kuwabara
The Lone Writer